I'm going to win this fight

As some of you know, I have gone through some time trying to get back into a regular exercise schedule, and an active lifestyle. There are so many reasons why I need it, and want it. And lots of reasons why it is one the top of my priorities list in life. Well...I have had moments of success, but still hasn't been tattooed in my life. I know that so many things change in life, especially after you have kids. Life is full of change, and you have to learn how to adjust your life to make things work. I will not use the word "fail" because I still have a long time to figure it out. But I do have moments like i've had these last few days where I have come to grips with the fact that my life has been full of excuses why I can't make whatever it is work. Why in the world would I make excuses for something that is soooooooooooo important to me, and something I KNOW will make me happier and everyone around me? It's the whole fact of CHANGE. I am a PRO at dealing with change, but when it comes to forcing change onto other people (Sayla, Cliff) I struggle. I start to feel very selfish, and undeserving. I start to feel guilty. These last couple days, I have had a lot of Self Talk happening, and I have come to the conclusion that I DO DESERVE to take care of myself, not only for me, but it truly is for the happiness and health of our whole family. So Friday, I bought a new pair of running shoes, and planned to start my new lifestyle early Saturday morning.



I have done this a few times (not bought shoes), and i SWEAR there's something against me. It's with out fail, those nights that seem to be THE LONGEST nights with Sayla, and by the time my alarm goes off, there is NO WAY IN HE** I'm getting myself out of bed. My sleep? is more than precious. Always has been. Ask my family. The clubhouse attempt lasts about 15 minutes of getting off getting Sayla to stay away from the moving treadmill, or her screaming cause she wants to go home. The weather sure hasn't been in our favor, mostly because it was winter time. And by the end of the day after Sayla's in bed....you better believe I'm going to sit down, and lately I've been helping Cliff with a lot of work stuff.

Ok...so how many excuses did you hear? Everything I said. I can't downplay the reality of it all, and that it SURE DOES make it a million times harder to get my exercise in, BUT they are excuses. To me i think of grocery shopping...it HAS to be done right? We HAVE to eat, and no matter what....we make time for it. So long story short...Friday night Sayla was up from 1-4. I was exhausted as usual in the morning. Luckily because it was Saturday, Cliff offered to watch Sayla and do breakfast while I went running. Now here's the trick...What if it was any other day than Saturday? I most likely wouldn't have gone. This is the mean cycle i've been in for the past 2 yrs. And this is what I mean when I say the forces are against me. But I AM DETERMINED TO WIN THIS FIGHT!!!!!!! I totally feel like i'm in a fight, and my competitive, fighting self is starting to appear. I am not going to claim a half marathon or a marathon like I used to anymore. What i will do is claim that tomorrow morning regardless of how the night goes, I WILL be out running while my dear husband and baby are sleeping. So check back with me tomorrow. Until than...that's my story and I'm sticking to it.